It's an understatement

Hi, My name is Joy.*16

years old* 100% Filipino* This is my personal

BlogThanks for visiting

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knhl
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I hate being alone. All those thoughts that I’ve been trying to suppress come flooding out. There’s nothing to stop them anymore. Lately, they’ve been getting worse. Ever since the break up 2 months ago, I’ve been fearing the times when I have to be alone with my own thoughts. When I’m alone, my mind goes back to him. All the memories come flooding back to me. Even the little things, like him napping on my couch, him doing his homework, him holding my hand in the hallway, just him. Him and me. We were each other’s forever. He made me so happy. Yeah we fought a lot, but each time made me realize how much I loved him. How much I didn’t want to lose him. Each passing day made me fall more in love with him. I loved him so much it hurt to imagine a future without him. But now I’m living in a nightmare. It looks like there would be no future with him. It looks like there’s no more me and him. I still see him everyday and I hate it. I hate the jealous feeling I have when he talks to other girls. I’m so used to the feeling of him just wanting me. Just me and no one else. Right now, I feel like I can’t live without him. I need him in my life because whenever he’s with me, he makes me happy. He doesn’t even have to say anything and he makes me happy. He makes me comfortable. Just his presence makes me happy. If I have him then I don’t need anything else. I’m so frustrated right now because he’s already over me. He even said so himself. He just doesn’t care anymore. I know he had his reasons for breaking up with me, but I hate the process of getting over a break up. I hate to forget about him? You know how hard that is when he’s been to so many places with me? In my house, he’s everywhere. Sometimes I even smell the scent of him and it depresses me because I know that I may not ever get that again. I won’t hear anymore I love yous from him. No more romantic texts. No more skype calls as a couple. I was so scared of losing all of that. All I really want right now is for him to call or text me. I want him to say how much he misses me. How he still loves me. I have already thought up of so many things in my mind. Like what if God just wants both of us to mature more? Or what if he really needs to fix his own problems or vice versa before we can be back together? Like what if he’s not the one? Or other stuff like that, but why does it hurt so much? I know that I truly loved him with all my heart. It wasn’t puppy love. It was real. I know because whenever I prayed to God during our fights he would always tell me he’s coming back. And he would. But after our breakup I’m scared that he won’t come back. I prayed to God but I’m not sure of the answer. Whenever I ask if he’s coming back there’s fear in my heart when the answer is no but doubt whenever the answer is yes. And I know that the right answer should have no fear and no doubt. I want him to come back. I had a dream that I fell in love with a boy and yearned for that feeling again. I felt like in my heart that something’s going to happen. I just hope that it’s me and him finding out that we still love each other. I don’t want a relationship. Right now, I don’t think we can both handle one. I just want us to acknowledge that we will wait for each other. I know I am willing to wait for him but I can’t wait that long. I need to take care of myself too. I don’t want to stand in the background watching him improve. I want to help him. I want him to know that I’m here. Sometimes I have my bad days, but I’m still here. I’m willing to wait for you. I still love you. You still own half of my heart. But I don’t want to be the only one feeling like this. I want you to do something that shows that you still care for me. I want you to tell me that you still want me in your life. That you will give me another chance. That you’ll wait for me to mature and grow. I want hope from you. All those times when I say that I want you out my life or that we shouldn’t talk anymore , I wanted you to stop me but you didn’t. I know you thought it was best to let me do it, but I didn’t want to. When I gave you all those stuff back, I want you to give back the necklace to me. I wanted you to keep your promise that you’ll come back to me if I still have that necklace after a long time. But you just left. I know you kept on asking if I still wanted it and I kept on refusing, but it was because I wanted you to say that it still had meaning to it. I still love you a lot. It’s hard to keep these feelings in, but as time goes on, those feelings can disappear. I don’t want them to, but it’s inevitable. I want you to hurry back to me so these feelings can grow instead of wither away. Please come back. Please be my forever again.

Permalink masteroftasks:

pilgarlick:

I made this a while ago and I don’t know when I’d ever use it so I’m just gonna post it whatever man

This is the most glorious thing ever
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Permalink nowyoukno:

Source for more facts follow NowYouKno
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It sucks loving someone who you know doesn’t love you back anymore.

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Today would’ve marked our one year anniversary. Would’ve.